Letting Your Partner Know You Want to Take a DNA Paternity Test

Published on 06 Jul

Did you know that around one in ten mothers are unsure about the paternity of their child? If a mother or father is unsure about paternity, the best solution is a paternity DNA test. So, how do you let your partner know you would like one? 

Asking for a paternity test is a sensitive topic, which can trigger challenging conversations. However, a paternity test can provide the reassurance you need, whether you are the mother or father. 

Discussions about paternity tests take some planning but can be navigated safely and respectfully. Read on to learn how to let your partner know you want a paternity DNA test. 

How Paternity Tests Work 

You can take a paternity test as soon as the child is born. A home paternity DNA test works by taking a swab from inside the potential father’s cheeks also called a buccal swab. This is then compared to the DNA cheek swab of the child.

The mother is also encouraged to participate, but it is not necessary. However, her consent is needed if she is taking part, by a signed consent form. If a child is under 16, consent must be provided by the person with parental responsibility, which is typically the mother, or the father if he is named on the child’s Birth Certificate.

There are different types of tests depending on your needs. For example, we offer personal information tests i.e. the result can only be used for the family’s own information and has no legal standing. Our sister service, dadcheck® can assist with accredited (legal) parentage DNA tests and so if this is the type of test you require, please contact dadcheck® today for advice.

Sometimes people prefer to take the personal information test first due to the costs of the legal DNA tests.

You can choose the personal information test based on the following:

Once you complete your paternity test sampling at home, you simply return the swabs and consent forms to us in the pre-paid first-class envelope.  Your results will be uploaded onto the secure platform for viewing. Different DNA markers will be analysed to determine the paternity of the child or children.

Factors To Consider Before Discussions

Before starting discussions about paternity tests, it is important to consider several factors. Acting on emotion or wanting to know the answer as soon as possible can be tempting. But taking the time to plan the conversation can make a huge difference, as it is a highly sensitive issue that can greatly impact relationships and families. 

Accept the Impact

It is difficult to determine the full impact until you ask for a paternity test and then receive the results. However, it is important for all parties to know the paternity of the child, especially for the child and father to be able to bond.

However, take the time to recognise that asking for a paternity test may change personal circumstances and relationships, especially if it is not the outcome you want. For example, nearly half of men who take a paternity test are not the birth father. So, prepare psychologically, so you can stay centred and prepared, no matter the outcome. 

We recommend you consider the impact the result may have on your existing relationship with the child and family members should the result be unexpected.

Choose a Time and Place

There will never be an ideal time to ask your partner for a paternity test. However, time and place can help improve how the conversation goes.

It is important to pick a place that is private without distractions. Avoid choosing a time that will surprise your partner or when you have time limitations. 

Be Respectful and Honest

It doesn’t matter if you are the mother or father; it is essential to be respectful and honest. Practice active listening and give them space to process the conversation.

Do not overcomplicate discussions about paternity tests, be direct about the topic while recognising it may surprise your partner.

Prepare for a Reaction

You can only control how you respond in a situation, which should be calm, honest, and respectful. However, you cannot predict or control how your partner will react. They could have a variety of reactions, from anger and hesitation to acting supportive and willing.

It is okay if they need time to process and consider your request. If they refuse, you can give them time to reconsider but if this fails, you may be able to pursue a legal claim. The outcome will depend on the reason for the test and if it is in the child’s best interest. 

Asking for a Paternity Test: The Mother 

It can be intimidating to ask your partner for a paternity test, but with the proper preparation, you can have a respectful conversation. You need the consent of the father or potential fathers to carry out a paternity test.

There are several ways you can ask them to carry out a paternity test. 

Focus on the Benefits for All

Verifying children’s paternity can benefit your children, your partner, whoever the father is, and you. It is important to explain your reasons, but when you ask for a paternity test, focus on the benefits of paternity tests for all parties involved. Be sure to focus on the fact you have his best interests at heart too.

Discuss Future Involvement 

When discussions about paternity tests occur, it is natural for the topic to lead to future involvement. Do not put off this conversation, as it can create more stress and fear.

Instead, be open and talk about the potential implications. Discuss what could happen next, whether your partner is the father or not. It is vital that you are both on the same page so that once you receive the result, you can be clear on the important decisions you need to make. 

Do Your Research

You may find it beneficial to get counselling or another form of support around this time, so you can prepare for the conversation. You can also research where you will be getting your paternity test before the conversation, so you can answer any questions your partner has, such as paternity costs and how paternity tests work.

thatDNAcompany® are a wholly UK based DNA testing company with over 20 years experience. By coming to us, you will be working with the team who will be conducting all work for you and we will never send your samples or details to any other company for processing. 

So be sure to pick a reputable company like us, that your partner can also research for reassurance.

Asking for a Paternity Test: The Father

It is always recommended to include the mother in the process of verifying children’s paternity, which can also help with results. And legally, if she has parental responsibility, you must include her consent if the child is under 16. There are several tips for letting your partner know you want a paternity test.

Explain Your Reasons

It is important to be direct and explain why you are asking for a paternity test, such as for peace of mind or for eliminating suspicions. It is important to be respectful no matter what your reason is so it doesn’t seem accusatory.

Being honest and focusing on your reasons to benefit all will also help increase the likelihood that your partner will want to be involved in the paternity test. 

Be Clear About Your Intentions

Prepare for the conversation so you can answer any questions your partner asks about your intentions. What will you and your partner do if you are not the father? Do you still want to be involved and stay in a relationship?

You should consider what you want, if you are the father or not. The first consideration is about being involved with the child or children. The second is if you wish to remain in a relationship or not. 

Being honest about your intentions ensures you are both on the same page and can easily navigate the testing time. 

Be Prepared

Your partner may ask if you have done any research about paternity test costs, the company, and the process. It is important to pick a reputable company they can research. We are happy to speak to both parties to offer that reassurance that by coming to us, you are using one of the most reputable DNA testing companies in the UK with thousands of tests conducted over two decades. 

It also helps you discuss practical steps, such as the costs and when to go ahead with the paternity test. 

Benefits of Paternity Tests

It is natural to put off difficult conversations, but there are some conversations that are better to have sooner rather than later. Knowing the results from a paternity DNA test can help protect your child and provide the peace of mind you need.

It is also essential to be open with your partner so it doesn’t continue to preoccupy you. Long-term putting off conversations can begin to put a strain on your own psychological well-being and your relationship.

A paternity test is highly accurate, so you can help protect your child’s future and get the answers you have been searching for. You will have a better chance at protecting your child’s health, giving them a sense of identity, and ensuring they have the right support around them growing up.

When everyone is on the same page, it doesn’t matter what the paternity results are. You will know the next steps you need to take.

Order Your Paternity DNA Test 

The sooner you let your partner know you want a paternity test, the sooner you can take action. Once you have had the conversation and are in agreement, it is time to order the test. 

We offer a next-day and 2-day service, based on working days. You simply order the paternity test you would like online. Our results either exclude the man from paternity with 100% certainty or strongly indicate a paternal relationship, usually in excess of 99.99%. 

Get in touch today if you have any questions. 

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